The Ken Doll


Here’s the thing about The Ken Doll. He was actually remarkably unremarkable except for one thing: he was super hot. Blonde hair, blue eyes, 6’5”, a body that even guys would be caught starting at, and these cheekbones that you could cut glass with… the only difference between him and an actual Ken doll was that I can vouch that he did not have smooth parts .

The only reason it matters that The Ken Doll was so hot was because he was the first truly hot guy I’ve ever dated. I’d obviously been attracted to all of the guys before him but not always in the most conventional of ways; like I would appreciate their sense of humor or be really good friends with them, or sometimes just be drunk around them a lot, but none of the guys I had been seeing up to this point would ever be accused of being “stop you in your tracks sexy.” I had had no idea how much fun it could be to have the hottest guy at the bar walk up, grab your ass and kiss you in front of everyone while other girls’ eyes bore into the back of my head as they tried to not slide out of their seats. The first time my best friend met him she literally pulled me aside and said “oh my God, you get to have sex with HIM???”

I’m not sure that it made me shallow, but it certainly made me confident. I’d always thought I was the type of girl that just ended up with the guy with the good personality that was cute at best. There’s nothing wrong with those guys and some of them have been my favorite people and favorite boyfriends (and my biggest heartbreaks), but it was like a whole new world opened up to me, and I went through a too long phase of dating exclusively hot, stupid guys for a while after this.

Okay, fine. It made me a little shallow.

He wasn’t very smart though. Most of our conversations were about drinking, but even then he wasn’t really that fun. Or that good in bed. And actually I’ve dated guys since then that were better looking and able to carry on a conversation. Maybe those guys just felt better looking because they could carry on a conversation. Hopefully this means I’ve evened back out on the pendulum swing of “so hot they could blind you” vs. “still worth dating if actually I went blind.”

Currently he’s engaged to a girl who I grew up with whose high school boyfriend I always had a crush on. Sixteen year old me has given current me so many high-fives for her taking my sloppy seconds.

Again. Remarkably unremarkable. (If I could post pictures, it would be a lot more remarkable. Just saying.)