SURPRISE! I’m not dead. 2

Rejected titles for this post include:

  • My Brain Called in Sick This Week
  • Nobody Uses Homophones Correctly All of the Times
  • Is This Real Life?

Y’all. Reality is by far stranger than fiction. Life is so crazy weird and good and just weird right now that I can’t even write about it yet. I need a few more wine nights with the girls to even be able to find the words for my current reality because I’m pretty sure if someone put a gun to my head to right write a normal post write today I would churn something out alarmingly akin to this.

Okay seriously those were actual typos that I crossed out after rereading so if that gives you any idea of the mental capacity I’m able to provide right now now, you would understand why I’m proud of myself for remembering to do things like pour the dog food into Maggie’s bowl instead of onto my lunch. (Again… this was actually an “oh shit, good catch” moment from this morning. You can’t make this stuff up.)

All that being said, I didn’t want to hold out forever on a post because between my dad, 90% of my romantic relationships, and my kindergarten student teacher who was an inconsiderate, selfish twat and quit without saying goodbye, I have some pretty solid abandonment issues and can’t bring myself to pull a disappearing act like that. Now that I’ve saved you least $15 worth of therapy, you can treat yourself to a not-embarrassingly-priced bottle of wine for your own girls’ night to process your reality that is probably weird and also hopefully good and still just weird right now because of course it is BECAUSE THAT IS JUST HOW REALITY WORKS and we are all just figuring it out one day at a time.

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