Now Hiring: School Pharmacist 1

Let me set the scene. I’m teaching my 6th grade reading class our new vocabulary word:


Me: Alright class, turn and talk to your partner and you each need to a pick a side and explain why telling a secret to your friend would make you anxious or not make you anxious.

<Kids talking at their tables. I walk around and hear answers that range from adorable: “No I would not be anxious because I have the best friends, and I know they would never tell my secrets” to awkward: “It depends because what if you tell someone that you need to fart and then someone heard!”>

Then I made the awesome mistake of calling on the strangest kid I’ve literally ever met to share his answer with the class. It helps if you imagine him speaking so fast that your brain is one step behind your ears.

C: Ohmygoshyes I would be soanxious because whatif you told them that you have a CRUSH on someone but then she’s also secretlyinlove with your crush andthenbecause she wants to keep you apart sothatshecan have him all to herself she tells everyone and you would be soembarssed and then she might kill you.

Teachers say they’re always learning from their students. Today I learned that there is not enough Paxil in the world for this kid.

Update: The same kid who expressed anxiety that someone might find out he needed to fart just farted audibly for a solid 30 seconds. It was so long I actually had to stop teaching and just let it happen. Are School Gastrologists a thing?

My Fallopian tubes might be tying themselves as we speak.

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